Medals, medals, medals

Medals, medals, medals,

Australia’s won its share.

Medals, medals, medals,

We won them everywhere!

Medals, medals, medals,

Our athletes brought them home.

Medals, medals, medals,

From pool to velodrome.

Medals, medals, medals,

Our athletes did us proud,

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie,

Let’s shout it out so loud.

Medals, medals, medals,

We’ve won a tidy sum!

But if I had my way,

I’d give a Gold to Mum.

Words are weird

My shoe has a tongue

but can’t talk.

All it can do is walk.

My nose has a bridge

you can’t cross.

Which leaves me at a loss.

My eyes have pupils

you can’t teach.

What’s the purpose of each?

My ears have two drums

you can’t play.

What kind of drums are they?

What weird things words are —

they have too

many meanings by far!

Valentine Day was a lonely bloke,
Wherever he went, he was called a joke.
He parted his hair down the middle;
Under his arm he carried a fiddle.
His nose was big, his lips couldn’t smile,
The girls took one look and they ran a mile.
He couldn’t dance, and he couldn’t sing,
In fact, poor chap couldn’t do anything!

’Til the day he met a lonely girl,
On a chain round her neck she wore a pearl.
She parted her hair down the middle;
Under her arm she carried a fiddle.
Her nose was big, her lips couldn’t smile,
The boys took one look and they ran a mile.
She couldn’t dance and she couldn’t sing,
In fact, poor girl couldn’t do anything!

Valentine fell in love when they met;
Likewise Valentina — her heart was set.
Valentine asked, “Will you be my wife?”
“Yes,” she replied, “for the rest of my life!”

 Melvin McWhirter

had a water gun —

a super-size squirter

if I ever saw one!

One day in the pool

Melvin went barmy —

just by playing the fool,

he made a tsunami.

He squeezed the trigger

faster and faster;

the cascade grew bigger

and then came — disaster!

A wave so immense

swept Melvin from sight,

right over the back fence

and we don’t know his plight.

James Aitchison

I have a fish in my room made of metal,

(the fish, that is, not my room).  The fish is

green and bold, with a mouth shaped like a kettle.

Why not a flower with a nice rosy petal?

I’m a Pisces; my fish is auspicious.

A monster lives in my Christmas tree;

he shakes the branches at half-past three.

The tinsel swings from side to side,

the decorations slip and slide,

Jingle-dingle!  Jingle-dingle!

Tinkly dingles intermingle.

Even if I stand up on a chair,

I can’t see him — but I know he’s there!

Then I gave him a monstrous cake,

and now he’s got a tummy ache.

There’s no more monster in my tree

so Santa Claus can come to me!

James Aitchison

 Let’s go to Toowoomba,

The two of us by bus,

Toot, toot to Toowoomba,

We won’t cause any fuss.

Let’s all go to Weewaa,

We’ll ride there on a horse,

Whee-hee-hee to Weewaa,

I’ll bring tomato sauce.

Let’s all go to Bairnsdale,

Upon a fleecy sheep,

Baaaaaaa to Bairnsdale,

But please don’t fall asleep.

Let’s all go to Hawthorn,

We’ll ride a donkey there,

Hee-haw-haw to Hawthorn,

Without a single care.

– 

James Aitchison