How to get rid of peas
Slip a couple up your sleeve,
that way you can’t go wrong
but first take care the sleeves you wear
are pretty tight and long.
Then accidentally bump your plate –
that should get rid of more.
Your Mum would never make you eat
the peas that hit the floor.
Another thing that’s hard to do
but really worth the wait
is slip some peas when no one sees
onto your sister’s plate.
And then (don’t say I told you)
if you’re desperate I suppose
you could shove some up your nostrils
and then quickly blow your nose.
By now you should have lost the lot.
If not, may I suggest
you think of other ways yourself
to deal with all the rest.
Jenny Erlanger
First published in “Giggles and Niggles” (Haddington Press, 2007)